I’ve spent the past three consecutive hours of my time attempting to complete four weeks’ worth of my Extended Project Qualification (EPQ). View the link if you’re lost as to what an EPQ is; I know that I was before being introduced to one.
I need a long break and I’ve perhaps only just finished ‘Week 2’ of my work schedule. Although I mustn’t be pessimistic really – to complete 2 weeks of diary entries, research and reading in one three-hour sitting is an achievement that isn’t exactly worth celebrating – but an achievement nonetheless.
Asides from my life being painfully monotonous (eat, sleep, write for whatever cause, bathe, eat, sleep etc.) as of late, I’ve been spending a small amount of time considering how painstaking writing can be.
Just like my previous – and first ever – blog post, I’m currently typing this whilst awaiting a well-deserved bath to finish being run. Half-an-hour in a tub of water that’s probably too hot and definitely contains too many bubbles is my way of unwinding when I’m stressed, low-spirited or depleted. Whether you, as the reader, view writing as hard-work or not, I can argue to you that it’s exhausting.
As any introvert or inmate of anxiety will know, going out for a few hours can wipe you out for days. I find that spending much of my time with Will won’t even phase my energy; but send me out with a friend or two for lunch and I’ll be returning home earlier than I imagined and totally enervated. I don’t know whether this is because Will is – without a doubt – my best friend; or because I find plastering on a joyous, friendly persona completely unnerving; or simply because of my unreasonable anxious thoughts. Either way, just as simply going outdoors can be a tiresome experience for someone, so can writing.
Unfortunately for me, it’s both.
And don’t get me wrong – I know that there’s so many writers and bloggers out there who get a buzz out of writing new things and sharing new stories, similarly to extroverts. However, for a lot of the writing world and blogosphere, it’s far from that.
Introvert/extrovert related tangent over; the purpose of me sharing this is to show and explain that writing is so much more than putting ink on paper or fingers to keys.
As anyone who’s followed me since my first post in February will know, I often write and then vanish for weeks. My friends at Frequency 21 will also be more than aware of my sporadic tendency to write 4 articles at once and then disappear for a while.
The case is that as much as I have a burning desire to write all the time and as much as my heart lies within sharing my articles and stories, I get burnt out. I love to write and I love when strangers alongside the people close to me tell me how talented they think I am or how proud they are of me for my achievements.
I’m far from physically grafting – writing doesn’t mean I’m getting my hands dirty or my shoes scuffed – but the amount of creativity that I must project from myself on a regular basis to conjure up writing that I’m pleased with is exhausting. What’s even worse is when my writing faces rejection; be it from other writers or publications.
I know that I’m far from alone in my temperamental relationship with writing. Sometimes, the prospect of beginning a career based on my writing terrifies me. Or the idea that I one day want to write a book daunts me even more – if 1000 words puts me down for a week, then imagine how long a single chapter will take me to write. No publisher desires that.
Regardless, I’m still determined to make something of my writing and continue to push myself through the days in which I’ve run out of steam. I’ve found my first burst of energy in over a month, and upon posting this blog, I will have successfully managed to have shared five different pieces of writing over the space of three days.
This kind of achievement is small but goes to show that I’ll always have proficient writing days alongside my bad writing weeks – things can only get better and I wish for other writers in the same boat as myself to share this outlook.
There is a poem by my favourite man that keeps me going – read it here.
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